Friday, November 24, 2006

The coming of age

I’ve a wedding to go to tonight and I’m not so crazy about the idea. Don’t get me wrong. Weddings are beautiful. I’m just not prepared for the mental turmoil which comes with them. Especially when my boyfriend doesn’t want to go. Especially when my best friend isn’t around to come with me and fill up the unrelenting “Yes, I’m a friend of the groom’s. Yes, I came alone. No, I’m not single and depressed. No, I do not want to meet your son who works as a PHP programmer/System analyst. No, I do not want more cake.” void.

Not on a Friday night, when I’d rather make the more pragmatic choice to embrace the weekend with open arms, and a ruthless amount of alcohol.

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'Ain at 18:23

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

What you resist persists

I watched The Secret last night and witnessed new revelations unfold.

Miracles are not that difficult to achieve. In fact, they're not difficult at all. Magic happens when you want and intend them to, and when you forbid the opportunity for resistance to stop them from happening (or rather, stop 'you from happening').

When you want something really badly, ask for it, throw the intent out to the world, and half the battle's already won. What's left to do is to sustain the desire, raise your awareness, be sensitive to your environment and observe the signs, and watch how the universe conspires and makes it happen for you. Let your guard down, and let life in.

I've put a lot of thought into my relationship with Ian the past two days. And I saw how he and I had contributed to the manifestation of the romance. The relationship was thriving on the immense desire for each other. The intent was pure and we eliminated the possibilities for the why and the reasoning (i.e. resistance), and all that mattered was the existence itself. Together, this was indomitable. Almost.

I say that because there have been occasions when I've overlooked and indirectly allowed room for this relationship to 'not work out'. And I speak only for myself when I identify the underlying mistakes made in this relationship. Sometimes, when I spoke of wanting it to work out, the conversations that drive the want don't come from the right space. I don't necessarily think, "This relationship will be amazing" but instead, I say "I don't want this relationship to fail", which is really me saying "This relationship is going to fail". The fear or worry of failure immediately becomes an invitation for failure to happen. Wanting something because you want it, and wanting something because you think you don't have it and don't want not to have it creates two outcomes, completely opposite of each other, even though it seems like they're both asking for the same thing. The more you resist the things that you don't want to happen, the likelier they'll happen. Simple law of attraction.

"We are shaped by our thoughts, and we become what we think. When the mind is pure, true joy follows like a shadow which never leaves." – Buddha.

I've been exercising my energy from the wrong places and I'm quite done shooting myself in the foot. Yes, I fucked it up. I'm very aware of where I went wrong. But I'm not about to regress and live in remorse. I'm making room now for the endless possibilities that this relationship will create, for the immeasurable amount of love I'm about to give, and for the magic that's about to happen.

Imagination is everything. It’s the preview of life’s coming attractions.

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'Ain at 17:59

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