Friday, May 19, 2006

...Continued

And then there is Father’s Day. Another scam thrust upon us by capitalism to further pry our wallets open? Only if you’re a cynic. Just another holiday that greeting card companies invented to extort money from the public? No, it’s not. In fact, when the idea of a Father’s Day was first invented, Father’s Day cards didn’t even exist. So I guess we don’t really have an excuse now not to buy our dads a gift on this day.

How are you going to honour your dad this year? Are you getting him a card for Father’s Day? Maybe you should think twice about that. When was the last time you saw your dad reach into his special box full of memorabilia to reminisce about the past? Never, because there is no such box. Thinking about getting your dad another tie? What is a necktie but a reminder to each father of his youthful ambitions he abandoned and the world of servitude in which he now resides? For the love of your father, put the tie down, and back away from the rack. Fathers, who are the adult version of little boys with a tad more responsibility, want the adult version of a Tonka truck not a decorative noose or 12 stanzas in beautiful calligraphy telling him how much he means to you. A father wants something that will remind him of the reckless, devil may care youth he abandoned when he gladly accepted the obligation to put your needs ahead of his.

The main thing to ask yourself when considering a Father’s Day gift is “Who does my father think he is?” Does he envision himself as a weekend Hell’s Angel? Is he always rambling on about how “someday the snowy peak of Everest will bow down before him.” Does he picture himself on horseback in the old west uttering lines of dialogue like “I reckon so.” Once you determine this information, the ideal Father’s Day gift is not far away no matter what the harebrained masculine delusion is.

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'Ain at 15:43

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