Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Today, I Am A Waste Of Space

I was at some random club last week, where this girl should’ve just kept her snooty comments to herself if she knew what was good for her. It was like as if she couldn’t believe that anyone would dare to wear Birkenstocks in a club. And I wouldn’t have necessarily told her off, if she had shut her gap about it. I mean, I like my tree-hugging earth-saving sandals. Even if they make my feet look like granola bars. But my point is, that’s as exciting as that crack-whore of a club was gonna get.

And sometime last week Lin and I decided we should lose some weight. Sure, I have every intention of shedding some weight so that I’ll look like a bag of bones for the party next week. But I heard getting all Olsen twinny is so last month, so I figured it wasn’t such a bright idea after all.

It’s time for dinner now. This is my favorite time of the day next to breakfast and lunch. I'm gonna take a few minutes to think about what I'll be having for dinner. Since I don't have shit to do, I plan to take an extra ten minutes thinking about that.

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'Ain at 18:53

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

I'm so sick, it's not funny

So a couple of days ago, I was using the microwave and when I pressed stop and opened it, it continued to run, and I was weirded out but ate my food anyway. Later that day I had insane headaches, and my chest started feeling heavy and I seriously did not feel good. I researched it online and read all about microwaves, and it turns out microwaves are the devil's incarnate!

The radiation from the microwave turns nutrients and particles in the food into hazardous carcinogens. Some lady died after they used microwave-heated blood for a transfusion. In fact, Russia has banned the use of microwaves since the 1970s.

Anyway, I am never going near another microwave again. In fact, I am throwing out all my microwave-able food. All you cheap bastards out there, if you want some of it, you can come get it for free. I'd rather you just threw away your own microwave as well.

In any case, ever since that day I have been worrying like all hell about having cancer. So I think I'm gonna get a CAT scan, and make sure that fucking microwave didn't alter some of my DNA. If I'm in the process of dying right now, I would at least like to know. So I'm a hypochondriac, but I don't think you should ever fuck with technology. It's killing us more than it's helping us. I am contemplating not using my cellphone so much either.

And now I have dia-fucking-rhoea, a fever, a cold and cough, and this nauseous feeling instigated by something which had Britney Spears on it which I happened to watch earlier today. She kept talking about sex, and she was making me so sick I wanted to throw the sandwich I was eating at her.

I swear the world is out to get me.

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'Ain at 05:08

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